RANSVESTIA

All my years of marriage, our little girl, all of his sacrifices meant noth- ing to me. After all I thought, there is only one type of person that does these things. I nearly went out of my mind. I was angry, sick and felt my whole world had come to an end. I demanded that he remove the make-up and clothes, and never do that thing in front of me again.

I wanted a divorce and nothing further to do with him, and I told him so. The poor guy. When he came home from work the next day he cried like a baby and begged me not to leave him. He promised he would never do it again.

I did love him so much and in my heart I really didn't want a divorce. But I honestly thought I was married to some sort of queer. However, I agreed if he kept his promise I would reconsider.

It's a funny thing how the human mind works. It can block out any really traumatic experience, which it doesn't want to remember, and this is exactly what happened to me. For many years I had completely blocked this whole thing from my mind. During all this time he did no more dress- ing, that I knew of, and we never did discuss the subject again.

Little did I realize the terrible torment and anguish I made him go through all of those years.

However, last year my husband sat me down and explained to me that he was a transvestite (even the very sound of the word scared me) but not a homosexual. He couldn't explain why, because he knew very little about the subject. But he said that this is the way he is and can't help it.

I really didn't understand and was terribly mixed up. There was no- body I could turn to, no one I could talk to about this. There was really nothing I could do except try to make him feel guilty about this and then maybe he would stop.

I let him dress occasionally but would have very little to do with him. I let him know I was against it. When he would leave for work I would cry for hours, not knowing what I could do. Was I married to a man or a woman? Was there really such a person as a transvestite who was not a homosexual, or was he just putting up a front to fool me. My mind was in a constant state of turmoil.